An Empty Sit

There's a sit next to me,
it's still empty
for i've waited you so long,
for the ticktocks counted aren't enough yet
to create a new song
with lyrics, there is story to be read.
our story.

There's a sit next to me,
its cushion makes you sleepy,
but it's still empty.
as i'm counting time for your arrival
if you were to utter the proposal
yet i missed the count
i've lost the direction
the watch i'm wearing fights with its rotation.
our story stopped.

The empty sit next to me, is still here.
Taught me to be more sincere,
for the right time is not near,
for that's the reason you couldn't come closer.

Yes.
The sit is still empty dear.
year after year...
for it reminds me that i'm a sinner.
that i've spent those years behind
as cruel and selfish creature,
so now
i'll stand 
to meet my Creator.
and walk as repenter.

NZ | 300815

When Friend Arrives (adapted from ‘When Love Arrives’ by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye)

I knew exactly what Friend looked like – during Foundation

Even though I hadn’t met Friend yet, if Friend had wandered into the mainhall,

I would’ve recognized him at first glance.

Friend wore black tie and white shirt.
I would’ve recognized her at first glance,

Friend wore a rainbow shawl.
Friend played pink guitar and knew all my favorite Hujan’s songs.
Friend wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me. 

And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong class location, just must be checking the pending Whatsapp text.

She was there, I was sure of it.
If only I could find him.

But when Friend finally showed up,

she wore no lip-gloss.
He wore the same black shirt every day for a week.
Friend hated public transport.
Friend didn’t know anything about Running Man.
Instead,

every time I try to please Friend, it was me who got fed up!

Friend became the reason I lied to my lecturers.

He’s having.. headache.

Friend had terrible record of class attendance,

but made sure we never missed Rhythm of the Champion.

Friend waited by the phone because she knew if she ever missed the call,

she’ll be left alone in the hostel and missed the dinner at Scud.

And Friend grew, stretched like a chewing gum.
Friend changed. Friend disappeared,
Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed.

Friend vanished,

like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
like the monthly allowance everyone could spend it wisely but me.

Friend will stay away for years, and when Friend finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.
Friend might smell different now,

wearing lens,

a broader back, Friend came with muscles I didn’t notice.

New hairstyle, a teacher voice.
Now there were new eating schedule, new favorite authors.
Friend had songs that reminded her of someone else, songs Friend didn’t like to listen to.

So did I.

But we found a spot that we both admire.
We found news that make us think deeper.
And now, Friend amazes me with her new “When Friend Arrives” poetry.
(But Friend will probably finish reading it after years)

Friend looks great in green shirt but still likes to wear the black.
Friend is a terrible map, but a confident speaker.
Friend knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.
Friend is messier now, not as simple.
Friend starts to use “Mama!” instead of Aunty to call my Mom.

Friend chews too loud.
Friend leaves her laundry for a week.
Friend uses ‘Hoi’ and ‘LOL’ in his text messages.
And turns out, Friend ‘meh!’

But Friend also cries.
And Friend will tell you, you are strong and mean it, over and over again.

“You are strong.”
When you failed a paper, “you are strong.”
When you’ve just been crying, “you are strong.”
When you don’t want to hear it, “you are strong.”
When you don’t believe it, “you are strong.”
When nobody else will tell you, “you are strong.”
Friend still thinks you are strong.

But Friend is not perfect and will sometimes forget,

when you need to hear it most, you are strong.

Do not forget this.

Friend is not who you were expecting, Friend is not who you can predict.
Maybe Friend is in Kuching, already asleep; You are in Kota Bharu, Sungai Petani, wide awake.
Maybe Friend is always in the wrong time zone.
Maybe Friend is not ready for you.
Maybe you are not ready for Friend.
Maybe Friend just isn’t the talkative type.
Maybe the next time you see Friend is twenty years after graduation,

Friend is older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered.
Maybe Friend is only there for a month.
Maybe Friend is there for every courses, every birthday party, every hospital visit.
Maybe Friend stays,

maybe Friend can’t.
Maybe Friend shouldn’t.

Friend arrives exactly when Friend is supposed to,
And Friend leaves exactly when Friend must.
God knows best.

When Friend arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If Friends leave, ask them to leave the door open behind.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by.”

Let fate fares us well.

NZ | 060815.

Specially adapted and written for KSK-ians @KapalSelamKrew

PISMP January 2012 Intake

(June 2010 – September 2015)

my (our) first trial of spoken poetry.

Luckily we did it though at first, we almost missed our turn (the real situation was; actually the organizer missed our names in their list =( so sad)

Yushamri is the mirror of Phil Kaye i guess (if you're reading this, Hey Yo!)